I Am Irrationally Irked at Slow DVD Screensavers

I'm hoping that most of you watch The Office. If not, watch this video. It will be enjoyable, I promise.

(By the way, this clip was quite difficult to locate. Please be impressed.)

Now, the whole premise of this scene is not weird to me. I've been doing this for...awhile. I mean, it's not like a friend and I have spent over an hour watching the DVD screensaver waiting for this to happen. That would just be absurd. But if that did happen, I can say that we would have screamed in excitement. Hypothetically speaking, of course.

Here's the problem: a new DVD player. 

The bouncing DVD rectangle is now so slow. It made me feel ridiculous watching it. I can't imagine what possessed Toshiba to make a DVD player that would do such a thing. 

I mean, I realize that the primary purpose of this machine is to play movies for me, which it does quite well, but this is important too! Having this DVD player is like dating a guy who is fantastic in every way, except for the fact that he doesn't appreciate puns. It's kind of a deal breaker.

Add some sass to your class,

Jenna

I Am Irrationally Irked at Carmageddon

For those of you who don't live in Southern California, Carmageddon is a term used in reference to the closure of a section of the 405 for this weekend.

Now, the closure is not what irks me. Honestly, I am just so sick of it being the only topic of conversation among the strangers on whom I eavesdrop.

It's kind of like Valentine's Day.

Valentine's Day itself is a kind of useless and weird holiday, just like Carmageddon is itself annoying. But the people who insist on calling it Single Awareness Day and and make a big fuss about it are by far more ridiculous than the holiday itself. The same principle applies here.

People don't have reason to be upset. I mean really. Jet Blue was giving $4.00 plane rides to people who needed to get from point A to point B.

Seriously.

Add some sass to your class,

Jenna

I Am Irrationally Irked at People Who Don't Believe Me

I love honesty. Absolute honesty.

It's one of my favorite qualities to find in people I know. If there were some way that everyone could just wear a shirt that said how they really feel, life would be a whole lot simpler and infinitely more interesting.

But alas, it seems I'll have to file that one away under "Excellent Ideas That Will Never Actually Happen" along with hiring someone to walk behind me with a stereo blasting the soundtrack to my life, convincing everyone I know to speak in an accent for a day, and playing the harmonica in a blue grass band.

ANYWAY.

Since I'm so big on honesty, I hate it when people don't believe me, especially over something that would be foolish to lie about. My favorite example occurs when something is in my eye or my contact is malfunctioning. Observe:

Me: [fiddles with eye]

Annoying Albert: "JENNA! Are you okay?"

Me: "I'm fine. My contact is just all kinds of wonky today. I think something's in my eye."

Annoying Albert: "Are you sure everything's alright?"

Me: "Other than the small tree nesting near my cornea, yes. Everything's swell."

Annoying Albert: "You know, it's okay if something is going on. I know you don't cry that often, but it's okay to show emotion."

Me: "Seriously. It's my contact."

Annoying Albert: "Jenna. You're crying. Just admit it."

Me: "Uh, really. No. I mean, look at me. Only my left eye is red. When you cry, does it usually just happen in one eye?"

Annoying Albert: "No, but everyone looks different when they cry."

Me: "I am legitimately questioning your intelligence."

Annoying Albert: "There's no need to get defensive."

There's really no way I can win.

Add some sass to your class,

Jenna

I Am Irrationally Irked at People I Can't Understand Via The Phone

At various places of employment, I have had to answer phones. This is fine. 

But sometimes when I answer a phone, I can't understand the person on the other line. I can't determine one particular factor that causes it. It's not gender, ethnicity, age, or even if English is their second language (I always did quite well in the listening portion of my French classes, thank you very much). 

Whatever it is, I wouldn't mind so much if it didn't interfere with me trying to do my job. For example, the following could happen:

Me: "Harold's House of Catering, how may I help you?"

Caller:"YES humberdfanddfokealbuffmndadj SPEAK TO HAROLD."

Me: "Uh, I'm sorry, Harold is out right now, can I take a message?"

Caller: "YES humberdfnownfsnalmmdfekjfaonsdfnsdnfwinfdalnknewnfsdnf VERY IMPORTANT."

Me: "And can I get a name and number for him to call you back?"

Caller: "Yes, my name is SHVETASHMROSHERME. The number is (909) 857-5309."

Take note. This is where I thought I could be clever. I have no idea what she just said her name was. But I think I've found a way around that.

Me: "Sorry, would you mind spelling your name for me?"

And this is where I fail.

SHVETASHMROSHERME (Caller): "S-A-M   S-M-I-T-H"

Me: "Right. Shoot."

Add some sass to your class,

Jenna

I Am Irrationally Irked at Lionel Richie's "Hello"

Step one: Watch this. Yes, the whole thing.

 

If you just stopped it half way through despite my preface, go back and finish it. The ending is kind of important for my rant.

Ready now? 

Okay.

What, what, WHAT the heck. This is not okay on many levels.

To name a few:

1. Lionel is a CREEPER in this video. He might as well get his knees flexin' and his arms t-rexin'. 

2. Dating students is illegal.

3. "Tell me how to win your heart/For I haven't got a clue/But let me start by saying I love you." Lionel, I do believe you mixed up the order of things. The title of your song is "Hello." You should really try saying that, before telling the girl you love her. It would also be nice to do that before you start stalking her and calling her house. Just sayin'.

4. This is perhaps my most important point.

She.

Is.

Blind.

She will not be sculpting a massive clay version of your face.

No.

Add some sass to your class,

Jenna

I Am Irrationally Irked at Being the Nth Wheel

A general rule of social situations: odd numbers are usually unfortunate for someone.

You've heard of being the third wheel. You've probably been that final component of a social tricycle a few times in your life. It usually happens on accident. Your other friend was going to come but was late/cancelled last minute/was hit by a bus/ etc. Because when you are aware of only two other people going somewhere, and those two people are dating or sort of dating, you do not want to go with them. And that's okay, because inevitably, they will do something to make you feel uncomfortable. They'll start canoodling, they'll start talking about how great it will be when you find that "special someone," or they'll start fighting. It's a natural instinct to not want to be there. It's like not wanting to be near animals during their mating season, not wanting to hear infomercials for products that are supposed to improve your life, and not wanting to be Neville Chamberlain when Hitler invades the Sudetenland.

But sometimes even when you plan ahead, you're the odd one out.

Because here's the thing, even if it's a larger group of people, if it's still an odd number, there's still the potential for everyone to couple off. Everyone except for the Nth wheel, N being the total number in your party. I could talk about a lot of examples right now, but instead, I'm just going to say that being the Nth wheel in a dancing/clubbing/grooving setting probably has the most potential for disaster. Because once that creepy older man named Diego standing in the corner figures out that you're the Nth wheel, watch out. Suddenly creepy corner Diego wants to salsa dance with you. Then it takes several very long minutes before your friends realize you are dancing with a creepy stranger and need assistance. Not that I've been in that situation before.

Add some sass to your class,

Jenna

Disclaimer: This rant does not apply to all couples. If I have not expressly told you with my words or very obvious facial expressions that I don't want to be around the two of you together, then I'm not talking about you here. So nobody get offended on me. Thanks.

I Am Irrationally Irked at People With Social Inhibitions

Yesterday was Cow Appreciation Day at Chick-Fil-A. Basically, you look hilarious and dress like a cow, and you can get some free food. I love everything about this.

Although not everyone agrees with me there. Sometimes the following happens:

 

 Clearly, if there is a winner in this situation, it is me.

Add some sass to your class,

Jenna

P.S. Stay tuned for some guest bloggers in the future. Apparently, I'm not the only one who gets irrationally irked.

I Am Irrationally Irked at Chili's Servers Who Do Not Know the Baby Back Ribs Song

You should know the Baby Back Ribs song. It's something I just kind of expect from the general population of humanity. 

If you happen to be one of the strange, unfortunate few that has no idea what I'm talking about, watch the following.

Yeah, that's NSYNC. 

I'm not weird for expecting you to know this. References are made to it. For example:

Austin Powers

The Office

Scrubs

You get the idea. 

So you can imagine my shock when, awhile back, I went to Chili's, a friend of mine asked our server if he knew the Baby Back Ribs song, and he legitimately had no idea what we were talking about. He then called over another server, asked if she knew what we were talking about, and she was also ignorant as to the jingle of the restaurant she worked at. 

NOT OKAY. 

Chili's servers need to get their acts together.

Add some sass to your class,

Jenna

I Am Irrationally Irked at Birds

I don't usually take issue with these winged creatures, but last night changed that.

I spent the night at my best friend's house. Around two in the morning, we decided to go to sleep. It was at this time that I became acquainted with the birds that live outside her window.

These birds are not nocturnal. (I know this, because I saw them when we left for our hike this morning.) Yet for some reason, they were awake between the hours of 1:30-5:00 in the morning. Squawking. Incessantly. 

Roosters at least are annoying in a rational sense. They start making a ruckus around sunrise.

1:30-5:00 in the morning is not sunrise, just in case you were unsure.

In our sleepy stupor, we came up with a few possibilities as to what they could potentially be doing. Judging from the sound of the squawk, it could be any of the following.

1. Getting it on.

2. Spousal abuse.

3. Mad, crazy karaoke parties.

4. Nightmares about their failed attempts as solo vocal artists.

Let's just say I'm glad they don't live outside my window.

Add some sass to your class,

Jenna

I Am Irrationally Irked at the Fourth of July

To preface, I don't hate America. I'm grateful to be living here.

BUT.

The Fourth of July is one of my least favorite national holidays. Reasons why:

1. Traffic.

     I can never get where I would like.

2. Timing.

     The middle of summer. Meaning it's exceptionally hot. No.

3. Pollution.

     http://www.enn.com/pollution/article/42880

4. American Elitism.

     Have you been to every other country? If not, I shouldn't hear you saying that America is the greatest country in the world today. It may be, it may not, but the combination of hot dogs, Britney Spears, and your personal presence does not make that statement true. 

5. Reinforcement of American Stereotypes.

     Statements like:

        "Apple pie eating contests. There's nothing more American." 

        Translation: Overeating and competition: the two most American things I can think of.

        "I just bought so many fireworks that I'm going to blow a hole in the ozone layer tonight."

        Translation: Screw the environment! I get to blow things up and see bright, shiny lights!

        "No country could ever top America! We are number one!"

        Translation: I am completely ignorant as to the amount of money we currently owe China.

Which brings us to my personal favorite, number six.

6. Themed Clothing.

     Rivaled only by St. Patrick's Day, the Fourth of July is known for its ridiculous get ups. If you ever happen to wake up one Fourth of July and forget what day it is, your problem will be remedied the moment you step into a public area and experience something similar to this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Add some sass to your class,

Jenna

I Am Irrationally Irked at Arriving Early

 I hate arriving late only slightly more than I hate arriving early, so I try to plan how long it will take me to get to whatever shenanigan I'm headed to at exactly what time I say I will be there.

But sometimes I'm mistaken.

Sometimes the traffic I had planned to hit never materializes.

Or Pedestrian Peter decides to lay off for a day.

Or I realize too late that I need to return to the first grade, since I left my house before I had planned and apparently can no longer tell time.

Which leaves me in one of about four situations:

Situation One:

Sitting in the car. Waiting. Looking like a creeper.

Situation Two:

Sitting in the restaurant. Waiting. Looking alone and antisocial.

Situation Three:

Sitting on my friend's couch. Waiting. Looking like I want her to be ready to go now.

Situation Four:

Sitting in the classroom. Waiting. Looking like that kid. You know, the one that lives for nine A.M. classes.

Add some sass to your class,

Jenna

I Am Irrationally Irked at Other Pedestrians

You're late to a class/interview/date.

You're turning in a paper before a deadline. (The deadline being in approximately three minutes.)

You're oh-so-excited about the sundae you're going to order at Coldstone. (Coldstone being ten feet in front of your current location.)

You really just want to get back to your car in the parking lot so that you can get home.

Yet something is stopping you from remedying theses situations. Someone, to be more precise. This is the person I will heretofore refer to as Pedestrian Peter.

Reasons why Pedestrian Peter inspires my annoyance and occasional outrage:

1. Pace.

     It is slower than mine.

2. Location.

     Pedestrian Peter is always located directly in front of me when I walk.

3. Destination.

     Pedestrian Peter is always trying to go where I am going. Which means that really, there's no way to win. If I walk annoying close behind him until I get to my desired location, our feelings towards each other will be mutual. If I find a way to get around him and get to my destination before him, things get a tad awkward when Peter arrives.

4. Inability to Multitask.

     As slow as Pedestrian Peter is normally, amplify that by ten if he is trying to do anything else while he walks. Yes, that includes talking on the phone, texting, eating, drinking, whistling, singing, taking care of kids, and thinking.

5. Size.

     Rarely is Pedestrian Peter ever overweight. Yet somehow, Pedestrian Peter seems to take up the entire walk way. Peter, you're not morbidly obese, and you're not walking next to three other people, so stop taking up that amount of space. Not only is it annoying, it also prevents me from walking around you.

6. Disposition.

     Quite possibly the worst thing about Pedestrian Peter is that he really isn't a bad guy. He's not trying to be the fun sponge that makes you late or causes you to get your sundae that much later. He's usually pretty swell. Which makes you feel guilty for being irked with him. That guilt, in turn, makes you more upset with him for inspiring it. It's a vicious circle.

Add some sass to your class,

Jenna

I Am Irrationally Irked at People Who Make References to My Nonexistent Romantic Relationships

If you are currently single and are in any kind of family at all, you know what this is. If you're an extra special type of person like myself, you also hear this from friends, acquaintances, creepy strangers, and the like.
Allow me to illustrate.

The family member:

The creepy stranger:

You know how it is.

Add some sass to your class,

Jenna